I wanted to share this article from an old Cookie Magazine (R.I.P), written by world renown sex therapist Ian Kerner Ph.D.. , also the author of the New York Times Best-seller Love in the Time of Colic.
BY IAN KERNER
I can't tell you how often I get the same question from guys: "What do I have to do to get my wife to have sex with me?" My answer: Engage in some really hot choreplay. First, warm her up by doing the dishes; next make a move for the dirty laundry; then turn up the heat by putting the kids to bed. And if you want to get really naughty, make tomorrow's lunches.
Science has proven that the real secret to turning on a mother is turning off her baby brain. Researchers in the Netherlands found that "the key to female arousal seems to be deep relaxation and a lack of anxiety." In a study in which the brains of men and women were scanned during the process of sexual response using a technique called positron emission tomography (PET), the results showed that the parts of the female brain responsible for processing fear, anxiety, and emotion reduce during sexual activity. Men showed far less change in these areas of the brain. Says Dr. Gert Holstege, "What this means is that deactivation, i.e., letting go of all fear and anxiety, might be the most important thing, even necessary, to have an orgasm." So if you're a woman, getting turned on also means, ironically, letting yourself get turned off.
Ladies, let us know what we can do to help; tell us when you're overwhelmed. Sure, we should already know that, and yes, we should already being doing our share of the work, but odds are we're checking baseball stats and doing the bare minimum while you're picking up the slack. No wonder you don't want to have sex. But given the possibility of some action inside the bedroom, we'll be more than happy to put on the dish gloves and start taking action outside the bedroom.
